| Parents Need To Be Empowered |  |
| Parents Need To Be Empowered |  |
Very often, I hear parents being told by professionals and others that if a child with autism does not speak by 5 years, he may not speak at all. They are also told that not all children with autism speak. So, expecting him to speak is too much, they are told
The normal human tendency is such that we imagine the worst always. If someone is late in returning home, the human mind makes one worry whether some accident may have occurred. Similarly, we tend to check on a person if he sleeps soundly for a longer time than usual. Similarly, a mother, when told so, wonders whether her child would speak.
As a mother, I do not know any research other than practical research for the past 20 years. There was not much information or guidance in those days, way back in 1987.
Whether my child would form part of the majority of the children with autism and not speak OR
Whether my child would be part of the minority and speak?
Much depends on the attitude of the parent. The parental positive attitude does not mean that a parent would positively expect a child to talk. But it means that the parent would work with a positive attitude towards enhancing opportunities for the child to communicate. It would help the parent to appreciate the child’s communication, whichever is the mode.
This is precisely what is aimed at in the Parent Empowerment Program sessions that I conduct. It focuses on parental attitude in accepting their child, in understanding his needs and appreciating his progress, however little it may be. It also helps the parent to modify their definition of what is normal with respect to their child. This helps them to see their child in the proper perspective. These sessions addresses the needs of each and every child as on that day, and sharing of experiences of parent towards that issue. Instead of hearing what their child would be, they are helped to understand why he is so and how they could help him.
When a parent is told something unpleasant, it is very difficult to accept. Acceptance at each stage is a hurdle. This applies to all parents, not just special parents. So, if they are mentally tuned to accept their child, they do it very well and come to terms with reality easily.
After all, as parents, are we also not human beings? Just like any other person, I too have the same expectations for my child, and I believe that my child is the best. I need time to accept something different, especially with respect to my child.
At this juncture, I quote the verses of “Welcome to Holland”.
The normal human tendency is such that we imagine the worst always. If someone is late in returning home, the human mind makes one worry whether some accident may have occurred. Similarly, we tend to check on a person if he sleeps soundly for a longer time than usual. Similarly, a mother, when told so, wonders whether her child would speak.
As a mother, I do not know any research other than practical research for the past 20 years. There was not much information or guidance in those days, way back in 1987.
Whether my child would form part of the majority of the children with autism and not speak OR
Whether my child would be part of the minority and speak?
Much depends on the attitude of the parent. The parental positive attitude does not mean that a parent would positively expect a child to talk. But it means that the parent would work with a positive attitude towards enhancing opportunities for the child to communicate. It would help the parent to appreciate the child’s communication, whichever is the mode.
This is precisely what is aimed at in the Parent Empowerment Program sessions that I conduct. It focuses on parental attitude in accepting their child, in understanding his needs and appreciating his progress, however little it may be. It also helps the parent to modify their definition of what is normal with respect to their child. This helps them to see their child in the proper perspective. These sessions addresses the needs of each and every child as on that day, and sharing of experiences of parent towards that issue. Instead of hearing what their child would be, they are helped to understand why he is so and how they could help him.
When a parent is told something unpleasant, it is very difficult to accept. Acceptance at each stage is a hurdle. This applies to all parents, not just special parents. So, if they are mentally tuned to accept their child, they do it very well and come to terms with reality easily.
After all, as parents, are we also not human beings? Just like any other person, I too have the same expectations for my child, and I believe that my child is the best. I need time to accept something different, especially with respect to my child.
At this juncture, I quote the verses of “Welcome to Holland”.
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.