Ok. Transformation does happen. But when can I expect it? How long am I to wait? Will it happen definitely? Is faith and hope alone enough to enable such a transformation?

These thoughts dominate the minds of every special parent, and I am a part of them.

Newton's Third Law of Motion - For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

The statement means that in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the forces on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object. The direction of the force on the first object is opposite to the direction of the force on the second object. Forces always come in pairs - equal and opposite action-reaction force pairs.

Initially, yes. When the child is initially diagnosed with autism, the parent, not knowing how to handle, pulls the child in one direction and the child goes in the opposite direction.

And a force always comes in pairs, the mother and the child, or parents and the society. Call it tension force, spring force or frictional force.

Tension force, as it creates a lot of tension in the parent while handling the child.

Spring force, which sends the child back to the parent like a spring, how much ever they try inclusion.

Frictional force, which dominates the household to which the child belongs, continues as long as it is given importance.

It is basic human psychology to expect a result for every action. For a parent to work consistently with her child with no reaction from the child but hoping for the best, calls for being someone beyond all this. That’s what parents of persons with autism are!

With all these forces acting all the time, the parent has to work with the child and believe that she will succeed. It is this combination of belief, hope, confidence and action that results in the transformation of the child.

It would be appropriate for me to give this poem to you which is self explanatory.

The Special Mother
by Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice,
a few by social pressure and a couple by habit.
This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children.
Did you ever wonder how these mothers are chosen?
Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth
Selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.
As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew."
"Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia."
"Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
Finally he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a handicapped child."
The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who knows no laughter?
That would be cruel."
"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair.
Once the shock and resentment wear off she'll handle it."
"I watched her today.
She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother.
You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of it's own.
She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."
The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive.
Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.
She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.
She will never take for granted a spoken word.
She will never consider a step ordinary.
When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it.
I will permit her to see clearly the things I see--ignorance, cruelty,
prejudice--and allow her to rise above them.
She will never be alone.
I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life
Because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."
"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air. God smiles.
"A mirror will suffice."